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Posts Tagged ‘one of those days’

you know the days when you feel like there are a million things that you want to do? you know…from perfecting a few tough yoga moves so that you can feel like you’re flying…to cleaning the house, to baking, to crocheting and reading…i’m having one of those days.

the rain is soothing and the peanut is sleeping…

zucchini muffins it is!!

zucchini zucchini

 

feel free to indulge with a jar of sparkly water or whatever beverage suits your fancy

 

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today was one of those days. a day that creeps up on you. your life is cruising along. you might even have the window rolled down and have your favourite song playing loud, it’s that good. and then, bam. you feel it. the truth of motherhood. the good always comes with a bit of chagrin speckled amongst the smiles and the giggles.

how can it not, when you spend 24 hours a day catering to a small person who speaks in heh’s and mmmmaeeehhh’s (and trust me when i say 24 hours, because even when you’re sleeping, you never relax.)

it was one of those days where April didn’t want to nap, be held, to be put down, to be told what to do… (yes, she already throws tantrums and laughs when i say no) and when you’re on the receiving end of that, there isn’t much left to do but throw your hands up in the air and walk out the front door. i’ve never been a quitter, and i’m not going to start now, but i’ll let you in on a little secret. i’ve never been pushed to my edge the way that i have on some days in the past few months. when crying becomes more than a (mis)communication, and the noise echoes in your ears like nails on a chalkboard. irr-i-tat-ion. i don’t have all the answers the way that moms seemed to somehow have when i was small, and i wish that anyone, just anyone would call and say that they’re on the way to my house to rescue me. or at least give me five minutes to myself to go to the bathroom with the door closed. it’s times like this that i want to say peeeeeaaaaaaceeeeeee!

but you can’t. not when you’re a mama. you’ve gotta sit there and tolerate that little terror, no matter how bat shit crazy she’s making you. you can’t pick a fight, or throw a hissy fit yourself. because seriously, who’s the parent in the situation? you just need to breathe. and remember that even in the most intense moments, this won’t last forever.

and it doesn’t. you eventually get your quiet time. your time to finally go pee, or have a shower or floss your teeth. you get the chance to finally sit down and let out the biggest exhale of the day so far.

i think these moments catch up with me when i try and do too much. before April, i was a busy girl. i never knew where i was going next, and motherhood has forced me to slow down. it’s kept me from grabbing my keys and hopping in my car and driving with no real destination in mind, because when you’ve got someone else who’s counting on you, you need to have a plan. you also need to be willing to be selfless. you need to look in the mirror and say, you’re not going to get to do all the things you wanted to do today, nope. no siree. and you need to accept that.

so that was today. i had a big ol’ reminder that it’s not just about me anymore. it’s about we.

child! stop it! i know there are no real tears there!

i'm so over this eating business. hangry!!!

i know mama hates when i root around, which is why i'm going to do it anyway.

no need to be in here. which is why i'm going to pull everything out of this little black bag

i don't know what these are, but me likey.

omgzzzzzz i spotted something else!! heeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

mamamamamma!!!!! i'm coming atchuuuuuuuu!!!!!

ackkkkkkkkkk cameracameracamera!!! mrrrrrahhhhaaaaaaaa ma ma baba!!!

i’m so excited for sleep.

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