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Posts Tagged ‘baby’

it is almost hibernation time. but it isn’t that hard to find me in the internet world.

want to know some of the wonderful things people have typed into their search engines to find me? i thought you would. i love that wordpress offers this fabulous and hilarious feature. i’m sure it’s to help bloggers learn what people are searching for to help them make their blog a little more out there in internetland, and how to tag their posts so that they’re more searchable, but it’s also a great source of entertainment.

there are the good ol’ “mamabearroars” but that’s no fun and way too easy…so here we go!!

cranky pregnant women – doesn’t the pregnant welcome package come with a giant button for preggies that reads just this? because there should be, for those days.

prenatal feeling like cocooning 38 weeks – yep, that sounds about right. except in my case it was 41 weeks. but maybe i spent 38 of those weeks in my housecoat?

the babysitter changes my diaper like baby – somebody needs some practice.

sherwood park + marathon – erhhhm. i definitely haven’t run any marathons. especially not while pregnant. not to my knowledge anyway. though labour is a little like a marathon, i’d imagine. but that took place in red deer.

komik emzik – this makes me feel like a marvel comic super hero.

first trimester hormones burst into tears? – ummm, yes, i’ll take at least 12 weeks of those. no explanation required.

what can be eplanations (yes spelled this way) of my stomach growing? – hmmm…. well. either you have really bad gas, orrrr…you guessed it!

preggo knockers – did you mean preggo bonkers? because that’s how i felt sometimes. but if you meant knocked up, well yes, there’s that option too.

baby mustaches – we all remember that scary baby mustache blog i did. if you need a refresher you can find it here.

put me in touch with reality but i’ve heard bad things about reality comic – you’re on your own with that one, i’m afraid.

what is R O B abbreviated during pregnancy checkup – i too would like to know the answer to this question.

my round ligament is making a bump – either you have a hernia or….surpriseeeee!!!!!!

i’m an ultrasound technician be cross trained in asthetics – well shucks, i’d love to have a nice, aesthetically pleasing ultrasound too. but let me tell you. those 18 week ultrasounds? they look like fuzzy confusing blobs.  ohhhhh THAT’s the head! i see it now!! of courrrrrrseeeeeee. (wink, wink) this is what you say to a proud parent about an ultrasound. even if you have no idea of what’s going on.

owl and the mystry house – i’m just as confused as you are about this one.

dear google i am pregnant – google?? google? are you listening??? because if google isn’t listening, honey, nobody will.

ball and chain breastfeeding – i didn’t come across like that, did i???? nooooooo never!i love breastfeeding now, for the record.

chocolate timbits – so gross. i used to like chocolate timbits when i was little. now? not so much. i’ll stick to the sour cream glazed if i have to pick a flavour, thanks. also, it can be noted, that the cravings i had during pregnancy were more along the lines of delicious chocolate raspberry cake, of which i ate in one sitting, thankyouverymuch.

so there you have it. i think we’ve all learned a lesson on how to find this mama bear in the internet world. because it’s crrrrrraaaaazy sauce out there, for realz. you can get lost up to your glazed over eyeballs in this internet jungle. nobody is safe. now get back to what you were doing. i’m sorry if i distracted you.

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i’ve finally found the time to catch my breath. it’s a bit exhausting pushing a little human out of you! where do i begin? labour. yup, it’s called that for a reason. let’s just say that nine months of transforming into a sweaty panting elephant seal doesn’t end when labour begins. it’s highlighted.

i was scheduled for an induction at 7:30am on tuesday morning. as much as i didn’t want to have an induction because i really wanted a natural birth, i agreed to one the day before because i was so worried that i was going to be pregnant for the whole time that my mom was visiting and not have the baby! and also that i would go another week and end up having an induction anyway. regardless of however i felt, little miss April Marie and i must have had the same thoughts about inductions, because at 7:15, yes 15 minutes before my scheduled induction, my water broke (think hollywood omggggggggg my water just effing broke ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!)  i’m not even kidding. you hear about “water breaking confusion” read: you just wet your pants. well there was no mistaking it. i could have filled lake superior. thank goodness Rob has leather seats in his truck.

so off we headed to the hospital. forget waiting until my contractions were the 511 rule…(five minutes apart, lasting one minute, for an hour) these things were coming on strong! there was no waiting, are you kidding me? so with that, i threw the ol’ birth plan out the window and basically, just coped. in retrospect, i realise how naive i was during my pregnancy. i wrote a birth plan thinking, oh yes, i’ll be able to tell the doctors what i want and it’s going to just be tickity boo, no big deal. hmmmpf. luckily, i’d already talked to my doc at my prenatal appointments about what i wanted, because he knew what was up, and this was not the time to be whipping out my nicely typed up birth plan and handing out copies to everyone in the room to review and then open the panel for discussion. i couldn’t even talk. or move. Rob learned pretty quickly though that when i flailed for his hand, that meant a contraction was coming on, and even if i was hurting him…well, i never heard about it. luckily, things went according to plan. at one point, the babe’s heart rate was dipping so low during contractions that i was sure that i was going to be whisked off to the OR for an emergency c-section. and honestly, the pain was so bad at one point, i almost wanted a section to just be done with it. just before that though, my doc said, i think i already know the answer to this, but i’m just putting it out there because it can take awhile to order an epidural if you want one… but i’d decided long ago that i was doing this thing the way women have been doing it for thousands of years. au naturel. and honestly? it was pretty damn empowering. yes, it hurt. but duh! you try pushing a seven pound baby watermelon though your hips and tell me it feels like a kick ass good time.

and then all of a sudden, the sweaty elephant seal feeling peaked. i felt like i was having a hot flash and that something was going to burst out of me. i’m pretty sure i didn’t sugar coat a thing with my nurse and told her that i was going to, well you know…defecate (in more colourful terms of course) all over the bed i was lying in. well, i didn’t. but i did push a baby out of me in the next five minutes. that’s how it feels when you’re fully dilated and ready to push. wicked, non?! actually. i was told to wait because the doc needed to get there before i could start pushing. i felt like i was being told that i was denied access to the most wonderful thing in the world, even though i had a ticket in my hand that said i was allowed to be there. heartbreaking. i think i got a little kooky at this point, but grounded myself with a few deep breaths. finally my doctor showed up and we were ready to do this. it was 10:38am. now, pushing a baby out might seem like the hard part. the truth? i could push babies out of me all day long if i never dealt with another contraction again! for realz. maybe because you feel like you’re actually making progress instead of being at the mercy of contractions and not really being able to control them? anyway, i hung on to Rob for dear life, probably almost snapped him in two, and listened to my doc when he told me to push. he was the voice of reason. he is the most nervous fidgety talker, but when he is doing his job, the man has the most direct steady voice in the world. and then between contractions, he and the pediatrician in the room (all of a sudden it went from nurse, Rob and em in the room to gong show party of about 100 different doctors) were talking about golf. yes golf! i was like HELLOOOOOOOO!!!! this is maybe not time to be talking about which course you played this week, people!!!! i wasn’t about to tell them that though. luckily, i only pushed for five minutes, and at 10:43am April came into the world.

after that it was a whirlwind of procedures and i was being wheeled to my little recovery room. just like that. bébé.

proud papa

dance party

oh, hi!

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